On June 16, 2016 at 1:42pm, I changed. My world changed, my heart changed, but I changed as person in that moment. It was the moment my sweet little angel baby Teagan was born.
Prior to having Teagan, I took a lot of pride in my place in the workforce. In everything I had accomplished at the company I was with for 5 years. I felt like I was on the path to success there, I was even put into a “high potential” program.
I always thought I would be so excited to come back to work and even considered only taking 10 weeks of maternity leave. Afterall, I’ve never been great with kids…for a long time I didn’t even know if I wanted them. Something in me changed when she was born. It wasn’t just a feeling of overwhelming love; it was deeper than that. I felt like God had shown me what my true calling was.
After 12 weeks of maternity leave, my husband Cary and I dropped her off at daycare and I cried the whole time. For the next 4 months, I felt overwhelming guilt and true sadness. I told Cary at least 4 times a week that he should “let” me stay home. To which he would always reply, “Do it!” He was always supportive of whatever I wanted to do, and he knew my heart was hurting.
In early January, I realized how unmotivated I had become in my role at work. I felt as though I was a part time mom and a part time employee because I wasn’t physically with my baby and I wasn’t mentally there with my job.
Cary and I started talking seriously about me resigning and worked our finances to see if it would be possible. While it won’t go without sacrifices, we knew it would be worth it. So I went into my boss’s office on a Thursday afternoon and resigned. After 5 years with the company, I was resigning. When I told Cary, I think he was in shock. He didn’t think I would pull the trigger for months…that I would still let myself be unhappy because of how much of a worry wart I am with money.
I gave a 4 week notice and the time has finally come. My new adventure is about to begin. I am scared but so excited. I’m scared of being bored, lonely, just of the unknown. But I can easily push those fears to the back of my mind when I think about how I will get to be with Teagan every day for those fundamental years.
I believe it takes courage to take a different path and face that loss of personal identity, especially in today’s society. But I will see those first steps, first words; I will be the major influence on shaping her foundation. No matter what people say, raising kids is a full time job. The time I spend with Teagan is so much harder than going to work every day but so much more rewarding for me personally.
Having Teagan has taught me so many things about myself but the biggest is that following my heart is imperative. I believe that everyone finds motivation and happiness in different places and I think as moms we are all just trying to make it and should be supportive of one another. If working is for you, do it. If staying home is for you, do it.
I feel so incredibly grateful that I married a man that is willing to work day and night to give me and Teagan the life we desire. That he supports me in everything I have ever done and he has made this dream of staying home with our baby come to fruition. Thank you Cary-Lee! I can’t wait to see what this next adventure holds for us!