As I said in my previous post, I never knew if I even really wanted kids so when we found out I was pregnant with Teagan it was a complete and utter shock. Because I was on birth control and we were in the midst of planning our destination wedding in Aruba.
I was so sick for several days that I ended up going to the emergency room thinking I had some type of stomach virus because I had something similar in the past and clearly being pregnant wasn’t even a possibility on my radar.
After a few hours of tests, the doctor walked in and told us the news and said they were going to take us down for an ultrasound to confirm what we already knew from the blood tests. There it was, that sweet little heartbeat. I was terrified and all I kept thinking was “but Aruba…but our wedding.” Meanwhile, I look over at Cary and he is smiling ear to ear saying “that’s our little baby.” Looking back I feel so guilty for not feeling joy in those moments; for being as selfish as to think our Aruba wedding was more important than that precious life growing inside of me.
As we left the hospital, I was in shock. I didn’t even know how to feel. Cary was saying there was only one option. We both had good jobs, we were responsible people, we were in a committed relationship with plans to be together forever; that the only reason we would consider another option was for selfish reasons. Since I was terrified, I, of course said we should just let it sink in and consider all options. I personally could never consider any other option but that just goes to show you what fear can do to your mind.
After a few hours, it was clear that our family was going to add another member in June 2016 and we started feeling really excited. We went to the book store and bought parenting books. We bought my parents a grandparent’s book and decided to give it to them at dinner as our way of telling them.
I remember seeing a quote that night by Carl Sandberg that said “Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me.” Fast forwarding to now, I cannot imagine our lives without that nugget.
Honestly, I don’t really remember what the day to day was like prior to her. She makes every minute better while in that same second making me question my sanity. Whether you believe in a higher power or not, I know this experience has taught me to trust the timing of my life. Nothing is by accident. God knows what is best for us, we just have to trust his timing.