As excited as I am to start this new journey of being a stay at home mom to Teagan, it doesn’t come without its fears. I know I am extremely blessed to even have the opportunity to do this, as I know not everyone is able to so I want to put it out there that I am not complaining, just sharing the authentic feelings that go along with making such a huge life change.
Since having Teagan, I knew this is what I was meant to do, it was just a matter of taking the plunge. I’ve had the same fears the whole time and as my last day of work is upon me I’ve been reflecting a lot.
Here are a list of the fears I am dealing with.
- Teagan’s Development
She is currently at a daycare center with 7 other babies and 3 teachers so she has a lot of interaction every single day with infants of varying ages and teachers that she has grown to love. They do sensory activities daily, have music hour, not to mention every toy imaginable. I have seen Teagan make leaps and bounds in her development over the past 4 months and my biggest fear is keeping up with that. Am I creative enough to plan these sensory activities with her? Am I social enough to find other mom groups or go to reading hour at the local library? Will she miss that daily interaction with so many people? I have huge fears of this change effecting her development in a negative way.
- Losing my Identity
Being a wife and mother are my greatest accomplishments and what I want for my “career” but is being out of the workforce the catalyst for losing my sense of self? I feel like in the DC area, there are so many strong, amazing working women that do it all and I don’t want to be judged for choosing a different path. Do those friends think less of you? Do you become so consumed with these new homemaker roles that you forget how to relate with those that work outside of the house? Will I be so tired throughout the day that I don’t find time for myself to work out or watch some trashy reality TV show to relax?
- Will my Husband View Me Differently
Deciding to stay home wasn’t an easy decision. I wasn’t just working to pay for daycare, I was actually significantly contributing to our household income so to lose that also puts a lot of pressure on my husband. Will he now just look at me like the maid and caregiver? Will he expect every household “chore” to be done by me? For every diaper to be changed by me? Will he respect me less because I’m not contributing in a financial way to our family? Cary is such a badass sidekick in this marriage and parenting thing that I know he won’t think those things but I feel like it’s impossible not to let these thoughts creep into your head.
- Boredom and Loneliness
Taking care of a little human is hard work but Teagan is a pretty chill little gal and thanks to daycare plays very well independently and sometimes even gets annoyed when I am all up in her playtime. Once I get our house the way I want it, I feel like I’ll just be maintaining so will I get bored? Is there really always something to do? I don’t know…I’m new at this. I love my coworkers and the interaction I get from coming to work on a daily basis. Will I be satisfied with just hanging with a tiny person or how will I find interaction outside of Teagan and Cary?
Those are some of my biggest fears with transitioning to life as a stay at home mama. I already have ideas on how to counter a lot of these fears but it doesn’t make them just go away. I have always believed that thoughts are things and what we think is what we manifest so I am trying to just focus on the positive as much as possible because in the end, the pros outweigh the cons tenfold. Only time will tell on how much of this is reality and how much I have simply built up in my head. I will have to follow up on this post in a few weeks once Teagan and I have made our adjustments 🙂