Teagan's Sandbox

Mom Life

The Mom Guilt is Real

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a really long time but I just couldn’t find the words. I want to start by saying, please don’t judge me or laugh at me for anything I am putting out in this because I am honestly and genuinely sharing a little piece of my soul here. While being authentic every day is so important to me, there is always a part of me that stays locked away because I feel guilt or shame in having certain feelings.

By nature, I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to be happy and I want to make the lives of those around me easier. I feel like in the past I have always given so much of myself in order to make others happy. In the past few years, I’ve learned that I just have to care less what people think of me. For the most part, I give zero f*cks about most things, but when it comes to wanting those around me to be happy…that part of me hasn’t changed. Becoming a wife and mother has only magnified that aspect of my personality. Sometimes to the point of anxiety.

Having Teagan has been by far the best and most fulfilling part of my life but it’s also created this sense of guilt I haven’t been able to shake since she was born. I am completely convinced that when you become a mother that the part of your brain turns off that acknowledges your needs outside of the essentials of air, food, water, sleep…well minimal sleep at best.

Breastfeeding was a huge trigger in all of this for me. I knew I wanted to breastfeed and built up this image of what that looked like in my head. None of those images involved a bad latch and exclusively pumping every 2-3 hours around the clock for months. While a few months in, Teagan finally latched and breastfeeding has gone well for us; that guilt and anxiety hasn’t gone away. I wanted to stop every day and prayed that I would dry up so I didn’t have to consciously make that choice. I knew switching to formula would make my life easier, it would lower my stress level and she would still be healthy but my mom guilt just wouldn’t let me because I knew how great it is for her health. Here we are at 13 months old and I still can’t fully wean her because I feel guilty. WHY? Why do I feel guilty? I’ve given her this amazing gift for 13 months and I still can’t figure out why I feel guilty stopping. Let’s be serious, she won’t feel guilty for making my boobs look like a bunch of *not* fluffy pancakes.

In many ways, I think as moms we want to convince ourselves that our passion is just our children and family. That we can be completely fulfilled by watching them grow, experiencing those milestones side by side and making sure our husbands are taken care of. I wouldn’t have time to take part in any of my other passions because I’m so consumed by my family, right? That’s what I thought for the first few months but then I realized that for me that wasn’t it at all. It’s that I felt like that’s how I should feel and if I didn’t then I wasn’t a good wife or a good mother. My mom guilt is all consuming.

I have spent two nights away overnight from Teagan since she was born and I felt terrible about it. I wanted to go visit my friends and enjoy that time with them but getting my mind to a place where that was okay was so hard. I want a break, no… I need a break from being a mom and wife sometimes but saying that out loud and taking that break just feels so wrong. My life is amazing and I feel so blessed to live it so why do I need a break?

I constantly joke to Cary about needing a break and just being so tired and he will say ‘well, go take a break, I’ll take Teagan’. What I don’t think a lot of men understand or just people without children is that it is so unbelievably hard to just go upstairs while you hear your husband and baby play downstairs or to let them go run errands without you. I love being a part of that family unit and doing things together is a blast so when I am missing out I feel guilty.

Do I have this guilt because I feel like something is missing? Do I have this dissatisfaction because I’d rather be doing something else? No, I had all of these feelings when I was working full time and missing all of these moments while Teagan was at daycare so I’m fully convinced that mom guilt is alive and well and living within all of us no matter our working status. Does it go away as they get older and more independent? Does it go away from simply putting “me time” on the calendar once a month? Does it go away when your husband just goes ahead and plans something for you so you don’t have enough time to let the mom guilt set in and say no? These are all real questions I would like to know the answers to.

I think that we all define what makes us fulfilled a little bit different and it’s about finding that passion that makes us feel a little bit better every day. If I’m being 100% honest, there have been days where I’ve cried by myself because I didn’t know what was missing. And then cried more because I felt guilty for feeling like there was anything missing when I live a wonderful life and get to stay home with my daughter. You see the vicious cycle that is happening here? Mentally…it’s so brutal.

Finding a way to nurture a passion while also being completely involved with my baby is all I was really looking for. Hence, this little blog. A few years ago, my best friend and I had a blog together and it was amazing. I loved every minute of it but then I got pregnant and life turned upside down fast and it just kind of died. When I decided to quit my job, it seemed like a good time to start up a new one, this time focus on motherhood, this beautiful journey called life, and all the fun that goes along with it. For a while there, I think I was consumed by the idea that being a mother meant I could only be passionate about my children. In reality, for me…that’s the mental death sentence.

I still really struggle with mom guilt and making time for myself without feeling like a complete and total a**hole but having this little piece of the internet that is just mine to bare my soul has been really therapeutic. That and some occasional dates out with my friends and no baby bring me back to reality that you can juggle both and still be a great mom.

My house isn’t always the cleanest; dinner isn’t always ready; I forget laundry in the washer way more times than I’d like to admit; I don’t blog every day. Then there are the days that I spend too much time looking at my phone, get the idea to deep clean everything, get a blog post written, wash and fold all the laundry and have a really great dinner prepared. All examples of things I feel guilty about on a daily basis. What I’m learning is, it’s okay. The first half isn’t done because I’m giving all my attention to Teagan; the second half isn’t done because I’m fulfilling what makes me feel better. I need to give myself some grace every now and then and remind myself every day will be different and I’m doing my best to find balance.

If you struggle with mom guilt or feeling like something is missing, you are not alone. I think it’s completely normal and I wish I had more insight on when that changes but frankly, I’m looking for that answer myself. What I will say is find that passion. If you’ve wanted to start a blog or YouTube channel, just do it. People will make fun and judge you no matter what you do in your life, sometimes it even includes people you think are your friends…but who cares. I’m sure a lot of my friends and family make fun of me and how much I share on social media but whatever. We only have one life to live and you have to do what makes you happy and give into those things that serve as an outlet. As my friend Sarah would say… “one life. one chance.” So go find your passion mamas and don’t let that mom guilt become all consuming. You are doing a great job!

    2 COMMENTS

  • Justin Torres July 20, 2017 Reply

    I think all that mom guilt comes from all the love that you want to give your child and that’s wonderful. You shouldn’t forget to take care of yourself though because how can you give your child everything when you don’t have anything at all. I think if you need to take a break from taking care of your child once in a while will be good for both of you. That’s where your husband comes in.

  • Melinda Huezo July 20, 2017 Reply

    Mom guilt IS SO REAL! When I worked, I felt guilty and now that I’m a SAHM, I still feel guilt when my daughter is asking to snuggle at bedtime even though I’ve spent the entire day with her. Now that I’m a mom of two, I started feeling guilty about sending my daughter to preschool for 3 hours a day. Then I see how much she loves it and I think, geeze- there was nothing to feel guilty about! I think feeling less guilty will happen over time. And my therapist always likes to remind me that guilt is a useless emotion… it gets you nowhere haha! It’s so true!

what do you think?

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • I've partnered with some of my favorite accounts to give {ONE} lucky follower a $1000 Target gift card! 
To participate:
1: FOLLOW ME
2. "LIKE" this picture
3. Go to @thetaylorhouse and repeat the steps
4. Follow the same steps on every account until you're back here. 
5. Comment with your favorite kind of cookie!
Details: The giveaway will run for 72 hours from 10/15 to 10/18 at 10PM EST and the winner will be announced within 48 hours after the giveaway has ended. Winners must have a PUBLIC account at the time of drawing so we can verify you are following everyone in the loop. The winner will have 48 hours to claim their prize. Winner needs to fill out tax documents to claim. International entries welcome- may be responsible for shipping fees if chosen. Host: @instaloops1 
Please note: This loop is in no way sponsored, administered or endorsed by Instagram. Inc or any of the companies in the photo. If you've won a giveaway with the prize amount over $500 you are not eligible to win Another in a six month period. By entering you are confirming that you are 18+ years of age, that you release Instagram of any/all responsibility and that you agree to Instagram's term of use. No purchase necessary. Disclaimer-void where prohibited by law, no purchase necessary.
  • It's been over a week since I was diagnosed with Graves Disease and having to start what feels like an extreme diet list of "no's" and I started out feeling so defeated. The first few days I felt awful. Headaches to the point of nausea and vomiting as my body was detoxing all the things I now couldn't have. Today I'm feeling like I'm getting so much energy, I don't feel as foggy or heavy with that blah feeling. I have been really strict and not "cheated" because cheating now feels like I'm failing myself and my health. Ironically enough, I'm eating MORE at every meal and drinking more water. I've been using my essential oils as the doctors ordered on my thyroid area as well as for other wellness purposes, cooking, cleaning and in my beauty regimen. I feel like the direction of this page and my blog is now shifting. It will always serve as a place to share my motherhood journey but part of that journey is now much more about health and wellness and less about testing and reviewing free stuff. I'm still genuinely angry and upset about the diagnosis but sometimes the bad stuff we go through serves to be beautiful life lessons and good in the end. Here's to one week down and forever to go to restoring my health and life from the inside out! I hope everyone has a great weekend☀️
  • Happy Birthday my sweet KDK! Things sure have changed over the years but one thing that hasn't is what an amazing person and friend you are. Thank you for always listening to me rant, being there unconditionally, and bringing the sunshine and happiness to every early morning! I hope today is as special as you are 😘😘
  • I received some pretty devastating news regarding my health this past week. While it's left me feeling so sad, it's also been a wonderful reminder that we are only given one body to live this amazing life and we need to treat it that way. I decided to open up #ontheblog about the whole ordeal because it's too long of a story for an Instagram post. As @s.chilva would say "one life, one chance." 💕
  • My heart is so heavy with the news from Las Vegas today. I feel sad that my sweet daughter is growing up in a world so full of hate. We are not born to hate. Hate is a learned behavior. Remember that our children are watching every single thing we do and listening to every word we say and from us is where they will either learn to love and respect everyone equally or not. I hope that Teagan always treats everyone how she wants to be treated. 💕 #prayforvegas .
.
.
📷: @celticgrayphotography
  • You belong among the wildflowers 🌼🎼
.
.
.
📷: @celticgrayphotography 💕
  • Anyone else? 🙋🏼😂
.
.
.
10% off your letterboard order with code JENNY10 💁🏼
  • When your sweet friend is also the best photographer in the area, sometimes play dates get documented and it's the sweetest sight ever 😍
.
.
.
📷: @celticgrayphotography