A few years ago, my best friend and I had a blog together and I wrote a post about how friendship in adulthood is really hard. Back then, I remember it really resonating with people and now that I’ve had a few years to learn and grow I’ve decided that friendship in adulthood is still really hard. Friendship after you become a mother is even harder, because time becomes so much more precious and a lot of friends don’t get that.
What has changed as I’ve gotten older is how I value time and how I value myself. Earlier in my life, I wanted to be friends with everyone so I offered that friendship to anyone no matter what. Nowadays, that’s not the case. I only want to be friends with people that I genuinely click with and people that we add equal value to the others’ lives. I am of course still friendly to everyone, but the reality is, my circle is small now. That is by choice. Moving forward in life sometimes means changing your circle of friends because the truth is not everyone is interested in seeing you improve.
“As you get older, you can energetically feel the difference between people who love you and those who care at their convenience”
In the last few years I have cut several very close friends out of my life because I felt as though we were no longer adding value to each other. I am of the opinion and belief that as a friend and just as a human being in general, if someone tells you that you made them feel a certain way, you don’t get to tell them that you didn’t. In a situation like that, I feel if you value a friendship, it’s a no brainer that you do some self-reflection and acknowledge how that person is feeling whether your actions were intentional or not. It’s happened to me where I’ve been on both sides and those friendships have grown and strengthened and then there were those situations where I had to wish them well and end the friendship.
I’m a big believer in the idea that each of your friends fits into a different part of your personality. I am also a big believer in needing that ‘no-matter-what friend.’ This friend is:
- Loyal No Matter What
Life gets harder as we get older. We are faced with harder life events and choices and we are bound to make mistakes. It’s important to have that friend that you know will see you are going through a tough time and be right there with you. They are truly loyal to you and not simply their need of you.
- Accepts You No Matter What
I don’t always do or say the right thing, especially since becoming a mother. And if you judged me solely based on my venting moments, you’d probably think I was a crazy person. I think we all need that friend we can vent to about anything or everything and have them understand it’s not all reality, sometimes it’s just the emotions in the moment. They just get it and accept you.
- Supports You No Matter What
To me, accepting and supporting someone are different. We can accept someone as they are while not being supportive of them. Let’s take our goals for example; we all have goals in life. Sometimes those goals are lofty, sometimes they are scary, sometimes your friend will have no idea what your end goal even is; but they support no matter what. They cheer for you and want you to do well, not just in public but also in private. That last part is important too, you need a friend that you know no matter what supports you, even when others may make fun of you behind your back, question you, and try to tear you down.
Having that no matter what friend is so important but even more when you become a mother. You can’t always keep it all together. Sometimes you will really break down either in sadness, frustration, guilt, you name it, and having that person there knowing you can call her no matter what and say anything and everything that you need to say with zero judgmental is a pretty remarkable thing.
Always remember that time spent can never be regained so spend it with people that value you and your time. Truly open your heart and close your judgements and don’t forget that quality always trumps quantity.
What are some qualities you value in your friends? Do you have a No-Matter-What friend?
Thanks KDK for always being my no-matter-what! Love you!