I am currently 19 weeks pregnant so I’m a little late on this update but I had notes written in my phone so when I got the chance to sit down and write this I would be able to speak accurately.
I still really wanted to write this and get it up on here because it’s something I want to reflect back on years from now. I have said it before, but this blog is really my personal journal and my Instagram is a scrapbook. Both of which mean so much to me and I am very proud of but it is also so great that I have had the opportunity to connect with so many of you through these channels.
I wrote a post all about how we found out we were pregnant which you can read here. The first few weeks were uneventful. I went into my doctors around 4.5 weeks to have a pregnancy confirmation test done which is basically just the blood test. It obviously came back positive and the numbers were high which after a miscarriage in December, I was really holding my breath on those numbers.
At 5.5 weeks pregnant, I started getting violently ill out of the blue. It immediately gave me flashbacks to how my sickness started with Teagan, this time it was just 3 weeks earlier. Oddly enough, the next night, Cary got really sick so we thought maybe we both just had the flu. Turns out Cary really did have the flu and my sickness just continued for the next 12 weeks.
At 6 weeks pregnant, I was so sick to the point I couldn’t hold food or water down and felt so faint. I went to see my doctor who immediately got me started on an IV. It’s incredible how a bag of fluids can make you feel human again. That is until the next day.
Last pregnancy, I was sick until the last month of pregnancy but was on the medicine, Diclegis, which worked very well for me, as long as I took it. My doctor put me on that again, assuming it would be the same result. It wasn’t the case.
My sickness continued to grow in intensity to the point of vomiting 20+ times a day. I was prescribed 4 pills/day of Diclegis. I had an allergic reaction to Zofran in my last pregnancy so that wasn’t an option for me. I was diagnosed with Hyperemesis Gravidarum very early on in this pregnancy.
The Diclegis helped me but it would take me from vomiting 20 times a day to about 10 times. Sometimes more. I don’t mean to sound dramatic but I feel like I should be 100% transparent in this.
There were days that I genuinely felt like I was going to die. Days where I would vomit so much, I would end up vomiting blood because there was nothing else in my system and the acid had irritated my esophagus to the point of bleeding. I’d be lying if I said there were not days I wanted to die. I just wanted to be put out of my misery.
There were days where I could not take care of my daughter. Not in the way of being mentally or emotionally exhausted, I physically could not take care of her.
Cary (my husband) had to come home early from work more days than I can count. He had to work from home just to help me more days than I can count. He had to simply take entire days off more days than I can count.
These days defeated me. Made me feel like a horrible mom. Like I wasn’t worthy of being Teagan’s mom because I couldn’t take care of her. These days made me feel like a terrible wife. Cary already does so much for us so that I can stay home full time so for him to have to be the full-time dad too just crushed me.
I’ve had to go in for both IVs of saline fluids and what they call “Banana bags” which is full of folic acid, vitamins and minerals that both the baby and I needed. Ironically, these left me feeling worse. The days after, I couldn’t function.
At 9 weeks, I was put on a drug called Reglan that is supposed to help with nausea while continuing to take my Diclegis. I genuinely HATE the idea of having to take all this medicine while pregnant. There were days I would never take my medicine with Teagan and while they sucked, they were manageable…meaning I could still function, I just felt terrible.
This time around if I didn’t take my medicine, I could not function whatsoever. The situation has been so taxing on our whole family but seeing how traumatizing it has been for Teagan completely breaks my heart.
Often times, I wouldn’t vomit immediately upon waking up, it would take a while. It would typically be while making Teagan breakfast so I would have to sprint to the bathroom. Teagan so concerned would run after me. If I shut the door, she would cry hysterically. If I left it open, she would stand right next to me screaming, “NO NO NO” and beginning hysterically crying. The look on her face is something I will never forget. It’s a look I would never wish on any mother. The looks of pure terror and sadness in her eyes.
She is such a caring and sympathetic soul that I know seeing that would physically hurt her too. Some days I knew I couldn’t make it to the bathroom and would puke in the sink and the same result with Teagan.
On days Cary was home, if he heard me running to the bathroom he would run upstairs to get Teagan and attempt to distract her. These are days I wish I could erase from my memory and I’m so grateful that Teagan will hopefully never remember them. This is just one example of how this has affected my poor, sweet girl.
As I neared the second trimester, I started noticing I had days where I was vomiting less and less. I tried weaning off my medicine but it would all pick back up. That’s basically how it ended on the health side with the closing of the first trimester but I don’t want to make it out to all be bad.
The first trimester also included my collaboration with Integrated Genetics and being able to take their MaterniT21 Plus test which is the non-invasive prenatal test. You can read more on my experience with that here. Through that test we were about to find out that from a chromosomal standpoint, we were having a healthy baby which put my mind as ease. Through that test we were also able to find out that we will be having a precious baby BOY!
While the first trimester was horrendous and having hyperemesis gravidarum is no joke. I feel so blessed to not have it anywhere near as badly as others. Others have to have a permanent line put in to receive medicine 24 hours/day. Others have to be hospitalized long term. I know you can never compare your situation to another, but I feel very lucky to have survived it and to have a healthy growing baby that so far has been completely unaffected by it.
I will forever be indebted to my husband for his support through what I can say has been the hardest period of my entire life. I am grateful to have someone by my side that will literally drop everything to help me. To make my life easier. To run to the store at 10:30pm to get me ginger ale because it’s the only thing I can keep down. I know now that he didn’t take the “in sickness and in health” part of the marriage vows lightly. Cary-Lee, thank you for being the incredible human being that you are.
If you follow me on Instagram, you’ve seen me talk about the struggle daily but I also tried to remain positive on that platform. I try to be a happy, positive person in general but the truth is, suffering from Hyperemesis wasn’t just miserable. It was completely soul-crushing and incredibly lonely. It felt as though I was alone in it. That no one could truly understand the misery I was going through. It’s something I don’t think is possible to put into words.
To those friends and family that checked in on me regularly to make sure I was doing okay or sent encouraging text messages…THANK YOU. It literally meant the world to me. Those along with that sweet little redhead staring at me for everything is what helped me get through that. I wish I could say I hope to repay you one day but the truth is I would never wish that kind of physical and emotional pain on my worst enemy.
Through all of that, I made it a point to still take as many pictures of my family and bump as I could. I want to forget how horrendous this period was but I don’t want to forget this period. If you are also suffering from a rough pregnancy, still document everything. It’s something I know I will always be happy to look back on.